Would the Spouse Know What To Do If You Die?

This post over on reddit is an excellent example of how everyone should prepare for an unexpected death (read the post and all of the useful comments as well).  I know that as the "person in charge" of the money and important documents (relatively speaking...I'm occasionally told I'm not in charge so there's that...) I can sometimes forget that the spouse and the kids aren't informed of everything that they would need to know in the event of my untimely death.

Taking a cue from this post, consider what would happen to your family if #1, you were traveling out of the country and they couldn't get a hold of you for a week or so (unusual in this internet-connected world but I know quite a few people who go off-grid for sometimes weeks at a time).  Would the spouse/SO/kids know how to access emergency funds?  Would they know what bills needed to be paid when?

And #2, what would happen if you were incapacitated for a longer term?  The spouse had a heart attack a month ago and while thankfully open heart surgery wasn't needed, I pictured what would happen if we reversed places and the outcome was more severe.  The person who is NOT incapacitated needs to know how to access all important documents and account passwords.  They need to know what accounts they are even looking at and what to do with them.  They need to know who to call for help when everything at the moment is overwhelming.  They also need a long-term financial plan to keep the family's financial ship afloat.

The last option, death, is even more challenging.  In the midst of grief, how would your SO fare on the financial front?  How long would it take life insurance to kick in?  How would they pay for your funeral?  How would their long-term financial stability be maintained if they have no knowledge/desire to learn about investing and money management?

Add to your prepper "to do" list making up a written plan like in the post for the spouse/SO that would direct them what to do in the event of your incapacitation/demise.  This information could prove invaluable to them in a time of crisis.

What Happens to Your Preps When You Die?

I came across this post over on reddit yesterday and it got me to thinking.  While it is all fine and dandy to be prepped to the gills when we are on this mortal coil, it is quite a different thing to unexpectedly die and leave your heir a pile of stuff that makes the mind boggle.  For those of you who didn't read the thread, a man died and left his son, his sole heir, $10 million+ in property, a virtual arsenal of guns, pounds and pounds of precious metals, and a boatload of cash (some possibly illegally acquired--both the guns and the money).  He also made the son promise not to get rid of any of this stuff (?!?).

One would think a sudden, huge windfall would be a good thing but when the legal questions start flying it looks like it can be--according to the man who posted the question--quite the mire to get himself out of.  And then there is the deathbed promise which makes the situation even more complicated.

So what should happen to your preps, whether you die at a ripe old age or die suddenly and unexpectedly?  This not being legal advice, I would have to recommend you discuss such things with an estate planner.  On the other hand, here is my plan:

• I have an updated Will, Living Will, Medical Power of Attorney, and a "when I die" document directing the basics for when I die.
• I have life insurance and savings (in the bank and at home) to cover both immediate and longer term needs for the spouse.  Things like funeral planning, acquiring documents, disposition of my body, paying the next few months of household bills, etc. all require money immediately until the life insurance can pay out, investments can be liquidated, etc.
• I don't stockpile nearly as much food and supplies as we used to when we had a houseful of kids.
• We have no debt and the house and vehicles are paid off so the only monthly bills the spouse would need to pay when I die are utilities, etc.  If we both die at the same time, the paid off assets would become part of the estate to disburse.
• I have gone from stockpiling stuff to meet every possible need--from day-to-day situations to a TEOTWAWKI situation--to minimalism.
• At this point in my life (I'm old) I am happy to give away many of my possessions on a regular basis.  Get a new tablet?  My current tablet goes to a kid or grandkid.  Get a new cell phone?  Ditto.  People come to visit?  Here take this home with you.  Basically I don't need a lot of stuff and I would rather give things to people now, while I am alive, than hoard 50 years worth of crap that the kids would have to sort through after I'm gone (been there, done that with several parents and elderly relatives; it's an odious job).
• If you are a young person with a family, your current preps would be different.  You would be in the acquisition phase (acquiring sufficient firearms for your needs, stockpiling a larger amount of food for an emergency situation, buying tools, etc).  However you should still plan for your untimely demise with appropriate life insurance, legal documents, savings, etc.  
• The idea is to protect your loved ones no matter your age.  It becomes easier as you get older and once all of the kids are settled into careers, have bought houses, are raising their own kids...well, when that happens it's a very good feeling.  As the kids are settled and have their own lives well set, any inheritance they gain from us would be a nice bonus, we don't want it to be a burden.  We also have good relationships with all of the kids and grandkids and have discussed in broad terms what would happen if I (or we) were to die, namely the spouse would have the option to live alone or with one of the kids and that yes, they will get some things (money and hard assets) from us either given to them occasionally while we live or spelled out in our Wills. 
• I still have sufficient firearms for our protection needs, we still have enough food to see us through months of not being able to go to a grocery store, we downsized to a manageable yard instead of acreage, and we are easily able to come and go from this country (a concern in these tumultuous times).  Yes we are spending some of the kids inheritance (travel, new tech, etc) but to my very non-dynastic way of thinking, our responsibility was to raise the kids in a way that teaches them to stand on their own two feet, give them nice gifts on occasion, help out in emergencies, encourage them to help out each other (which is even more important), and feel responsible enough to help out their parents in their old age.  Leaving them a small nest egg to help them have a more comfortable middle age/retirement is our goal, lording their potential inheritance over them is not.  Creating strife by playing favorites, not being clear about who gets what when we are gone and letting them fight it out in court, or having them count down the days until they make bank from our demise is not something we want to leave as our legacy either.
• Finally, don't rely on "I told my son I wanted this to happen after I die" or "I'm sure the kids will get together and happily divide up our assets after we are gone".  Everything needs to be spelled out in writing (in a valid legal document), with a trustworthy executor appointed (preferably someone who does not stand to gain from your death).   Leaving a volume of explicit instructions is also a good idea: user names and passwords for all of your accounts, a clear list of investments/banking and other accounts, and directions to find your important documents (deeds and titles, insurance documents, etc).

10 Things to Consider as You Age

Since I am in the "aging" group, here are ten things that become more important as you get up in years...

1. Get your ducks in a row.  Have an "if I die today" sheet which lists all of your important information (user names and passwords, location of will, account info for all banks and investments, etc).  This makes your death insanely easier on your next of kin.  I've seen grieving kin take months and months trying to figure out everything needed to take care of a loved one's estate and this is wholly unnecessary if said loved one is a bit prepared for their eventual demise.
2. Downsize and minimize you stuff.  After cleaning out my mother in law's place when she passed away and watching my aunt literally give the fire department my grandmother's home for a practice burn because she didn't want to clean it out, I can definitively say that no one wants to clean out decades worth of your junk.  If you do this for them it will be a great gift to your next of kin.
3. Plan and pay for your funeral.  Again, when your (broke) next of kin are grieving, the last thing they want to do is figure out how to afford your death.  Funeral and burial expenses are getting to be astronomical these days so another kindness you can do for your loved ones is to have your funeral arrangements all taken care of before you die.
4. If you are going to leave things for your next of kin, why not give them those things before you die?  Not only does this simplify the estate process after you die (and keep people from fighting over your stuff like a bunch of rabid hyenas) but you get to enjoy seeing them appreciate and utilize the stuff you give them.
5. Plan out your end of life.  Things usually don't go as we expect them to.  If I had a choice I would--as a fan of compressed morbidity--like to be healthy and fit and clear of mind until the last minute when I die a quick and merciful death.  But I know that may not happen.  There are all kinds of horrible and sketchy things that can happen at the end of your life should you become ill or suffer from dementia and be unable to advocate for yourself.  Long term care insurance is one thing to consider.  Also consider what would happen to you if no relative wants to take care of you, if your estate runs out of money before you run out of life, and how/where you want your last years to be spent.  Then make a plan to make this happen.
6. Have a will or trust, a living will, and a medical power of attorney.  It makes the probate process either unnecessary (common in the event that the deceased has a trust) or much smoother and the living will (also POLST form if necessary) as well as medical power of attorney can speak for you if you are unable to.
7. Plan now for the common problems of aging.  Many of the retirees I've met in Vegas purposely chose to buy single story homes when they moved here because they know that sooner or later they may be unable to navigate stairs.  Some couples I know are already having the 'when do I stop driving talk".  Needless to say this talk never seems to go over well especially if it is their kids who are doing the talking (aka "Powdered butt syndrome").  
8. Make your health your first priority.  Ideally, by paying attention to your healthy (exercising daily, going "nutritarian", etc) you can avoid or put off many of the markers of aging in a Western country (namely high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, etc).  On the other hand, things like vision and hearing loss tend to sneak up on you (you don't know what you can't hear because the decline is so gradual) so keeping up with these types of screenings is imperative.
9. When you do find yourself at the doctor's you need to advocate for yourself (or have someone do it for you).  Almost without exception, someone going to the doctor for a common Western disease is going to be handed a stack of prescriptions and scheduled for a follow up which means come back for another stack of prescriptions.  I know only two doctors who regularly tell their patients "you are too fat and too sedentary and if you don't get moving you will die" and put the onus on the patient to fix the problem which they created.  Prescriptions have side effects and taking pills to fix the problem while still doing the things that caused the problem in the first place is ludicrous.
10. Finally, start now (if you are getting up in years, I hope you started some time ago) to plan for your financial future.  What will your income sources be?  What will your expenses be?  How will your investments change as you age?  Do you really need term life insurance now that the kids are grown and you are financially secure?  Where will you live?  How will you take care of yourself when you become old?  

What if You Died Tomorrow?

I have to admit that while I was in the hospital, I had a number of concerns not only about my health but also about what would happen if I got bad news from the test results (when you are staring at four empty walls for hours on end your mind has plenty of time to think about all kinds of distressing things such as needing heart or brain surgery and the unfortunate outcome which could be death or something like it...).  This got me to thinking about what would happen to the spouse if I were to die.  I pride myself on being prepared for everything but still there were concerns because while my information is fairly well organized, I am still the person who takes care of nearly everything in the home when it comes to life business (ie: banking, investments, fixing random home problems and computer problems, taking care of everything from insurance to registering the car, etc).  Here are the things I was thinking about that I will remedy ASAP so that if the worst does happen, at least the spouse will have fewer things to worry about:

• Will, Living Will, Power of Attorney, Medical Power of Attorney.  Everyone should have these documents.  The problem I had with these papers is that they haven't been updated in over a year and thus don't cover our current situation (ie: assets that were named in the Will we no longer have, etc).  Also, these documents are in storage so it would have been difficult for the spouse to grab them at a moment's notice and take them to the hospital if they would have been needed.
• A very specific "If I Die" document.  I was thinking about all of the things that, should I have died, I would have wanted the spouse to know.  So I will write a document that covers everything I can think of.  Some examples: I want to be cremated (the spouse is staunchly Catholic and feels that a proper burial is, well, only proper, whereas I feel the land should be for the living not used by the dead who don't need it any more).  If I am on life support with no hope of recovery I want the spouse to pull the plug (again, we have talked about this but I am afraid the spouse wouldn't do this so I may need to make my wishes known more clearly in my Living Will and with the spouse's sister who I am sure would be on hand in such a situation).  A specific list of websites/blogs/other social media accounts with instructions for how to make a final posting on these sites (the spouse isn't particularly computer savvy so the instructions would have to be pretty well laid out).  Et al.
• I am also thinking of writing up a step by step document, kind of like a check list, of things that would need to be done after I die.  Since I have often worked with people who have had a spouse or child die unexpectedly I know first hand that the last thing they are thinking about is what needs to be done on their or their loved one's behalf because they are too busy grieving.  The checklist would probably be fairly exhaustive and include such things as outlined on this list.
• Then I got to thinking about what things may come up that should probably go to the grave with me.  While the spouse and I have few (that I know of) secrets from each other, there are some things in my past that should probably stay there.  This means that if you have secrets you want kept, they probably shouldn't be delineated on your computer where eventually someone will find them.  Ditto for any written things that shouldn't be found.  Ditto for secret accounts that shouldn't find their way in some form back to you.  In other words, if you have secrets, make sure that they can evaporate once you die and in no way can be traced back to you.
• And finally, a last letter to the spouse saying whatever it is that I want to say.  I am pretty sure that the spouse knows how I feel about, well, most everything, but a final letter seems like a nice thing to do to tie up any loose ends.

Overall, this is a pretty morbid topic but on any given day, you will read in the paper about people who have died unexpectedly (car wreck, shooting, whatever), who probably will have left a loved one behind who will then need to sort out everything at the worst possible time.  It just seems useful that, while we prepare for any other eventuality, we also give some forethought to what would happen if we are no longer here tomorrow.

Where to Access Services

I was finishing up my last blog post when a friend called and needed help with his elderly mother in law who was recently widowed. A sister-in-law that the father was also supporting now needs help too because the main breadwinner for this family is no longer around to provide the finances that kept this family afloat. While I strictly advocate against relying on Welfare and social services, when a crisis happens, I strongly advocate FOR getting any benefits you can qualify for in order to give yourself a bit of time to collect up yourself and put yourself back on track. Here were my suggestions:

• Get thee to the local welfare office and sign up for anything you qualify for (food stamps, housing, medical benefits, cash assistance, etc).
• For older people or those with disabilities, check with Medicare and see if you qualify.
• Get a list of the local food banks, Salvation Army, and free meal providers in your community. You never know when you will have more month left than food.
• For older people, check with the local senior services agency. This office usually has lots of information on resources that are available for seniors in the community (free meals on wheels, job re-training, home care, etc).
• If you have kids, sign them up for free or reduced lunch programs (which are also usually offered in the summer).
• For legal issues, contact the closest legal aid office (these go by various names so Google free legal services and your closest city).
• Check out the local community resource center (and/or campus resource center if you are a student). Our local community resource center provides a huge range of services--everything from paying for utilities, to help with eviction notices, to job training.
• If anyone in the family has served any time at all in the military or reserves, contact the local Veteran's service center and see what programs you qualify for.

Then...

• Make a list of all of the free things in the community you can think of (the library, free night at the museum or art gallery, free outdoor movies in the summer, free outdoor concerts, etc). If you are in a depressing situation, putting a little free fun back in your life is a good thing.
• Round up some cash. In the midst of trauma it is hard to part with things but if necessary, cash to survive the current situation is much more important than stuff. Have a garage sale, list stuff for sale on Craigslist, etc. then put the money that you earn away for an emergency. Some people like to spend when they are sad or depressed but obviously if you are in dire straits, the money can be used for better things than more consumer junk.
• Downsize immediately. A cell phone may be necessary but the $100 plan probably isn't. Get a basic plan for around $30 a month. Cut cable, cancel magazines...basically if it isn't a necessity then it isn't necessary, at least until you get back on your feet.
• Get a job. Anything will do if you are unemployed. While you are waiting to find a job, volunteer somewhere in order to develop contacts and job skills.
• Check with the local community college. Some colleges have free or very inexpensive job training courses for those who are unemployed or low income. Note that this isn't the time to take out a huge student loan and go back to school. You're trying to save the money that you don't have not put yourself deeper in debt.

That was about all I had at the moment. The main point was to stop, review your resources, find out what other resources you can access as quickly as possible, then move forward with earning money, cutting spending, and trying to get your life back together.

DPT--Death Preps

Today saw not one but two famous people die--one was expected (Farrah Fawcett) and one was quite unexpected (Michael Jackson). This should be a reminder to get your affairs in order, just in case. Here's what you need:

• Life insurance
• Will
• Living Will
• Medical Power of Attorney
• Leave some general (if death is not expected) or more specific (if death is imminent) directions for what you want to happen after you die (burial or cremation, memorial service or grave-side funeral, etc).
• Personal info all together in one place (birth certificate, passport, social security card, financial records, veteran's info, insurance info, etc).
• List of people to notify.
• An "in case I die" letter to your loved ones

How Not to Die

I'm going to rant about a dead guy today. Actually I have never met him but he is just one of the many people I end up "knowing" because they leave their spouse a financial disaster to deal with after they die. I am running out of fingers to count how many clients I get (usually women) whose spouses die unexpectedly (usually men) who end up in my office with an armload of paperwork and no clue as to their financial position, no job skills because "their husband always took care of everything", and no money to even pay the light bill or car payment. Here are some tips on how not to die:

• Don't die without an updated Will. Many people die unexpectedly. Because of this fact, they put off writing a Will or updating their Will which leaves a huge probate mess and lots of disgruntled relatives. Whenever there is a change in your life--a divorce, a new spouse, new kids or other heirs, new property added or old property disposed of--check out your Will and make sure it covers your current situation.
• Don't die without life insurance. To bury you is going to cost a lot. If you don't have money now, your poor spouse certainly isn't going to have the money to pay for your funeral and burial or cremation. And that's only the tip of it. How will your spouse continue to make the house payment, pay the electric bill, make the car payment so the car won't get repossessed, or pay for the kid's braces? If you leave them no money they will have no money--it doesn't magically appear after you die!
• Don't die in debt. This is hard since many people have debt in the form of a mortgage, credit card bills, tax debt, and other things they need to pay off, however most debt doesn't die with you so if you think your spouse will get the equity in the house, think again. Most debts attach to your estate so if you have a huge tax debt, the IRS will go after the equity in your home or other investments and they get to be first in line, not your spouse. Work five jobs if you need to in order to get your debts paid off. For larger debts, make sure to have enough life insurance to pay off the debt should you die.
• Don't die with a spouse who is clueless and skill-less. I've met women who never learned how to drive because their husband always drove. I've met women who move to this country to marry a husband who later dies, leaving them in a strange country with very little knowledge of English or the customs of our country. I've met men who think their home is nearly paid for and that they have no credit card debt only to add shock to their grief when they find out that their wives had somehow put three mortgages on their home, emptied their retirement account, and left behind a stack of maxed out credit cards. I've met women who raised a family and were the perfect wife yet had never developed any job skills; after their husband's sudden death, they were thrust into a job market that they knew nothing about.
• Don't die and leave an unorganized mess for someone else to sort out. Information on where to find your Will, life insurance policy, current bills, financial accounts, deed to your house, etc. should be easily accessible to your next of kin. How else will they find all of this stuff? You may have all of this information in your head but when you are gone, so is all of the information you carried with you.
• Don't die with secrets. We all have secrets--passwords to our many online accounts, a hidden "slush fund" that we access for emergencies, sometimes there's a spare kid that the current spouse doesn't know about--whatever your secrets, consider how they will impact your spouse and your family after you are gone and make appropriate arrangements to straighten out any mess that many come up after you die.

I think that about covers it. If you have a current Will, adequate life insurance, little or no debt, a spouse who has been an equal partner in the running of your life together, organized paperwork, and a way to reveal any necessary secrets after you die, you will give your spouse the gift of being able to grieve your loss in peace instead of grieving while they are being evicted out of their home, walking to the food bank because they have no money and the car has been repossessed, and cursing you and themselves for the mess they are now in.

5 Things I Know About Death

Some death stuff has happened recently. This isn't unusual as it can come up in my line of work, however it got me thinking. Here's five things I know about death:

1. All of the preparations that need to be made for dying need to be done now, no matter how young and healthy you are. Without life insurance, a Will, a Living Will, advanced directives, powers of attorney for medical care, etc., your death can leave your family destitute and/or fighting over your stuff like a pack of wild dogs. Don't think it could never happen in your family--I know a few people who would be spinning in graves if they could see how horribly their families have treated each other after their deaths.
2. My personal belief is that when it is your time to die, you die. Period. I have seen people shot a number of times or stabbed and basically walk away from it and then seen cases where someone was killed by a parade float, by an errantly thrown punch, or by an unexpected genetic condition. I believe that people are put on this earth to serve a purpose and when that purpose is done, whether they are two years old, ten years old, fifty years old, or ninety years old, they die and move on to the next phase whatever the next phase is.
3. Injury prevention is still a good idea. Well, you think, if I am going to die when I'm going to die then injury prevention activities such as wearing a seat belt or a motorcycle helmet don't matter. Actually such precautions can mean the difference between road rash and a cracked helmet and being in a semi-vegetative state for the rest of your life. So wear a helmet.
4. It seems that the more rituals your culture has around death and the bigger the role that religion plays in your life, the easier it is to cope with death.
5. If a loved one dies it only makes sense to work the situation out by talking to others who have experienced the same thing; no amount of empathy can make up for actually experiencing such a situation. Guys whose buddies have been killed in combat need to talk out the situation with others who's friends have been killed in combat. Parent's whose child has been killed by a drunk driver need to talk about this with others who's children have been killed by drunk drivers. The only people who understand the magnitude of grief, trauma, and despair that a death--particularly of a child or as a result of a violent situation--are people who have gone through the same thing.

I don't know much about death and am in no way an expert on the subject, these are just some of the things that I see time and time again. It's sad all the way around when someone dies and although time can ease the pain, our rational human minds like to make sense out of what are often senseless situations.

Some Useful Information

Here's a few items you may find useful:
--Now that you are working on updating your first aid skills, take a look at this article about 10 Common First Aid Mistakes http://www.newsweek.com/id/132001
--Getting started on a food storage plan? Here's a quick calculator based on the Mormon's guide for food storage http://lds.about.com/library/bl/faq/blcalculator.htm
--Preparing for death? Here's a handy Estate Information Guide http://www.codenameinsight.com/ESTATE%20INFORMATION%20GUIDE.pdf

Let's Prepare...For Death

This topic came up because I met with my attorney today to update my Will and realized that it had been almost ten years since the last time I did this. Obviously you can just do nothing and when you die, it will be someone else's problem, however, one of the kinder things you can do for your loved ones is to be prepared enough so that all they will have to do is basically show up at your funeral to give you a final farewell. I have seen more than enough situations where someone dies and you'd have thought the rest of the family was raised by a pack of feral dogs. Underhanded tactics, legal maneuvering, even stealing from the estate...obviously grandma never thought this would happen after she died but all too often this is a common occurrence. Here's what you need to do to be prepared:

• Have a legally binding Will. This document will provide instruction on how you would like your assets and personal affects distributed after your death. Depending on your estate, an attorney can be worth his weight in gold. You can get a "do it yourself" Will kit and prepare this document yourself, however a good attorney can enlighten you to many things you should consider that will affect your estate planning both now and after your death.
• Have a Medical and Financial Power of Attorney drawn up. these are two separate documents that you should have in addition to your Will. Give some thought to who you want to have this power. Although my spouse is named as my first choice on these documents, I chose two separate people--one for the medical and one for the financial--should my spouse and I die at the same time.
• Have a Living Will (also called an Advanced Medical Directive). This is different than a Medical Power of Attorney and specifies what kind of care you would like if you are unable to make your own decisions.
• If you have a chronic or terminal disease, consider having a POLST form. You can get this form from your doctor and it spells out what kinds of end of life measures you want taken in regards to resuscitation and the like.
• Plan your funeral. When families are grieving, they tend to spend way more than is necessary or even needed just to give the deceased a fabulous send off. Unfortunately, this leaves the family paying for the funeral long after their loved one has passed. One of the best things an old friend did was plan every detail of his funeral then pay for it. All his friends and family had to do was show up at the cemetery on the appointed day and celebrate his life (and death) without having to worry about all of the details.
• Check up on the things that will sustain your family after your death. Both you and the spouse should have a thorough understanding of what life insurance, military benefits, social security, annuities, trusts, and other sources of support that you (or the spouse) would be entitled to if one of you should die.
• Consider the kids. If you have minor children, there are a number of additional things you need to consider. Primarily, you will need to decide who would be their guardian at your untimely passing (and talk to your choice prior to them finding out about it at the reading of your Will). Ensure that you have enough life insurance to support them until they reach adulthood, and consider who will have fiscal responsibility over this money (sometimes it isn't the guardian which can get sticky so chat with an attorney about this). Generally, you will want to leave the kids out of this discussion unless death is imminent since it is more likely to freak them out then be a productive part of your planning. As a side note, many people consider their pets to be their "kids"; in the event of your death it will be important to have a plan for what to do with your pets since pets often end up at the Pound if no one volunteers to take them.
• Let your loved ones know your wishes now while you still have the opportunity to do so. Apparently this topic came up ten years ago but the spouse had mostly forgotten what I said. Today I clearly laid it out in front of them (and the attorney), that when I die I want to donate my organs or whatever else can be used by someone else, cremate the rest, stick the ashes in a box, throw a small party for me at home and be done with it. If I am on life support with no hope, pull the plug. Pretty simple. In the days ahead I will also write an obituary and leave a "to be opened upon my death" letter with information about the location of my important documents/passwords/financial info/etc. then leave the letter with my attorney.
• I'm going to start giving away the things I want other people to have. I would much rather have the opportunity to see someone enjoying something I gave them now than to have all of my stuff in a pile in the front yard and cause my loved ones to put together the mother of all garage sales in order to liquidate my assets. Worse would be to start a family feud because X took something that Y knows was supposed to go to them.

That's basically it. Most people try their best to NOT think about death, but a little pre-planning can make a world of difference for those you leave behind.